Tag Archives: cancer

My hands hurt with anger

My hands hurt from anger. They hurt from cancer, treatment, and the after effects. On each occasion that I learn of another case of cancer, my hands begin to hurt. I’m reminded of the neuropathy plaguing my fingers and toes … Continue reading

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Tears for Strangers

Never before have I shed tears for complete strangers. I didn’t even know these people; all I knew was that one of the two was young, still in his teenage years, and had just passed from cancer. His older sister, … Continue reading

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Benefits of Cancer: Lowering Inhibitions

Cancer can’t be all bad. It can’t. It’s terrible. A terrible disease, cancer is, despised and cursed, feared, insidious. For all the bad that cancer brings, all the sadness, death, pain and tears, there must be something good.Lowering Inhibitions I’ve … Continue reading

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Guest Post: A letter from my mom

Dear Josh, There is no way I can know what you are going through. Although I would like to all I can do is imagine and hallucinate based on whatever elementary knowledge I have, what I have learned the past … Continue reading

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Wine, Coffee, and Listerine

Red WineThe evening is still early and I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no thoughts. Dinner has digested perfectly and the cool northern California air touches my neck and arms ever so slightly. Open on the table … Continue reading

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It’s not my fault but I feel guilty

I know it’s not my fault but I feel guilty. I know I didn’t cause this. I never dreamed of developing a cancerous tumor in the center of my chest. I never wanted this. It’s not my fault but I … Continue reading

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What is chemotherapy like?

Many people close to me have asked about my cancer treatment. They ask what I do while receiving treatment, or if I can feel the chemo drugs enter my body. This post is meant to address these and other questions … Continue reading

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Good Cancer, Fragile Life

I could have had a chest infection, or pneumonia. I could have had small lung cancer, or lymphoma. Instead, I have germ cell cancer. No metastasis. Treatable and curable—hopefully. Treatable and curable could change instantaneously. I understand that better than … Continue reading

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Why did I get cancer?

Why did I get cancer? I love life; people; random conversations and hikes through mountains while thinking about my next meal. I love the complexity of life and I love living. Why am I undergoing chemotherapy? Why are my veins … Continue reading

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I am a Dreamer

I always dreamt, and dreamt of realizing my dreams. I surrounded myself with dreamers because I am a dreamer. My brother is a dreamer; he turns dreams into reality. My wife is a dreamer. She dreams of fighting disease. She … Continue reading

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Dear Cancer, I Hate You

Dear Cancer, I hate you, for so many reasons. You pain me, my wife, my daughter, my parents, my brother, my friends, and my colleagues. Sometimes you even pain the strangers around me. I hate you most because you threaten … Continue reading

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Kancer Karma

I’ve always believed in karma, and now I’m not sure why. I always thought that good returned to those who practiced it. I have never felt so naive. But still, there could be some truth in karma. Learning that I … Continue reading

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Cancer doesn’t happen to me

Cancer doesn’t happen to me. No, cancer doesn’t happen to me. Twenty three days ago I didn’t know I had cancer. That made more sense. No, cancer doesn’t happen to me. Cancer happens to others; people with breasts, older people … Continue reading

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On my third day of chemo my body said to me …

On my third day of chemo my body said to stop. Last night I fell asleep hard in the middle of an action film at 7:30 pm. Through mental might I managed to brush my teeth and get in bed. … Continue reading

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Facing Chemotherapy

I start chemotherapy this Monday, thirty-three hours from the current moment. I am scared and don’t know what to think. I think I am ready. My chemotherapy will be intense, in that I will receive drugs via an IV, nine … Continue reading

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Discovering Cancer

I have cancer. I recently discovered this, within the last nineteen days. I am 31 years old, married, and have a baby girl. I exercise routinely, cook and eat fresh foods, drink wine once or twice a week, and do … Continue reading

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